Well, I read all the right books but my kids, so it seemed, consistently refused to go by those theories, maybe because they never read those books themselves. There should be a kids' version to go along with the various parents' guides, so the kids know what to expect and what is expected. Bedtime for us, no matter what we did, was a never ending story that would usually extend to a couple of hours and then usually my daughter would ask me to lie down next to her until she fell asleep, but I would usually fall asleep first and wake up several hours later and crawl back to bed, realizing I have no more than a couple of hours to sleep. Falling asleep next to your kids, cuddling together, is great fun but leaves very little (if any) time for yourself (I could deal with that), and not a lot of time to get some real rest (a little harder to deal with).
So, I will not go about describing the unsuccessful attempts to resolve this issue using the pretty common techniques, I can just say what worked for me. Beware, it might take longer then the other techniques, but the good side is that it's user friendly, easy to accomplish and good for the soft -hearted parents (like myself, I admit) because it doesn't involve crying episodes, only positive feedback and rewards.
Plus, the plan was, in part, developed by my kids (with adult supervision) which makes it also kids friendly.
So, that's what we did;
It started with a very exciting declaration (from my side) that they are big kids now (4 and 7 and still need me beside them in order to fall asleep) and as big kids they can finally fall asleep on their own. We went together through the new bedtime routine that will end with one short story for each child or one long story for both, then a kiss goodnight, we turn off the lights and I go out of the room. I promised to check back and see how they were doing within a reasonable time frame (10 minutes?). Now, before they had a chance to realize they might not like the plan, I jumped to the good (for them) part; we made a chart for each child. For every night they fall asleep on their own they get a star. Now here comes the positive feedback part; for the first 3 stars they get to pick a present (Five Below or equivalent) and within less than 5 minutes they added a footnote to the chart; 10 stars=a bigger present, 50 stars=trip, 100 stars=family vacation. Which is a great long term plan in my opinion that we are all going to enjoy. Now, there are no negative feedbacks, other than not getting a star, and once one get a star it cannot be taken away, every star they get is theirs forever. On the first couple of nights they tried (as expected of course) to stretch the limits. How long can mommy stay with them before they go to sleep that would still earn them a star. We agreed on 1 minute once we are finished with reading the story. Now the ball was in their side. They decide whether they want me next to them before they fall asleep or they want a star. I had set up the first 3 stars=present goal since it is a very short term goal to keep them motivated and also let them enjoy the results of their efforts pretty fast after they started, reducing to minimum any chances for disappointment and let them enjoy looking forward for the reward.
And it worked, believe it or not! I finally got my nights back and even have some time to do other stuff that are not related to me being a mom. Once in a while they try to talk me in to staying with them but I remind them that it's either me or a star and usually ("no offense mommy") they prefer getting a star.
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